Last week I received a registered special delivery letter from Paris. I knew it was from Interpol.
The Chief Inspector of the esteemed international police agency informed me that my request to be deputized as an Interpol Special Agent was approved.
I had to reply by telephone—they would accept a collect call. Since I had Skype I decided to save Interpol the long distance charges.
Before I called the Interpol Chief, General Charles de Gaul, I had to choose a code name. This, of course, was to protect
me.
As requested I Skyped the Interpol hotline.
After going thru the multiple prompts, I was told there was a final question to answer.
What is your code name?
Double O Seven, I told the hotline secretary.
Sorry, Sir, 007 is taken.
OK, my code name is Richard Rhubarb. I was calling at the request of the Interpol Chief Inspector Charles de Gaul.
After several moments, the hotline secretary informed me that Richard Rhubarb is not recognized as an Interpol Special Agent.
To verify that I wasn’t a crank caller she asked me to read the encoded numbers and letters at the bottom right hand of the letter.
As requested, I looked at the special code and gave her the information.
I will connect you to the Chief Inspector. The first question he will ask you is to give him your encoded numbers and letters followed by your real name followed by your code name.
General Charles de Gaul answered. Please confirm the following info—
I interrupted him by providing the three details.
Welcome aboard, deputized Interpol Special Agent Rhubarb, General de Gaul said. Report to the Air France counter at the new airport in Bangkok. You have a first class ticket to Paris. A representative will meet you upon your arrival.
Me and my Habipti, my puppy (an Arabic name meaning Sweetheart), were met at the Parisian airport and whisked to General de Gaul’s office at Interpol Headquarters.
Is the puppy necessary for your mission? Gen. de Gaul asked.
Absolutely General, As you may know, Habipti is Arabic for Sweetheart. Puppy understands Arabic commands. He went to language school in Bangkok.
But what’s Sweetheart’s purpose?
General, Kolonel Kaddafi and his three sons will be influenced by the puppy’s love.
General de Gaul thought A very good idea. He addressed me as deputized Agent Richard Rhubarb.
We got down to business. I was given a GPS that would lead me to Kolonel Kaddafi’s office. I was provided with four pairs of handcuffs for the Kolonel and his three sons.
I told the General that I preferred Chinese cuffs to the standard cuffs. Chinese cuffs are placed into the thumbs of the culprit. A chain links the cuffs together.
I was also given credentials that announced and two documents. One document was from General Charles de Gaul informing Kolonel Kaddafi of my status with Interpol.
The second document was from the Chief Prosecutor of the International Court of Justice in the Hague, Sabina le Chocolat.
This important document informed Kolonel Kadaffi that the bearer was to arrest the Libyan non-leader of his people along with his three sons and bring them
to the Hague for a criminal prosecution. The charge was war crimes. A very serious charge.
The following week three more Interpol agents were to arrest the Kadaffi’s leading henchmen and henchwomen to transport them to the Hague on a first class Air France flight from Benghazi to Paris.
I was also given a two-way wrist radio to communicate with Interpol HQ.
The Hague document was stylishly done by sprinkling key phrases: It opened with Dear Kolonel Kaddafi, Allah Akbir (God is Great), following my Allah, the most merciful, the compassionate, the beneficent, etc.
The end of the document contained the muscle. This will be discussed at the showdown meeting with Libya’s non-leader and his three sons.
I received training to ride a camel. I preferred the two-hump variety. Two humps provided a sort of saddle for me.
I named the camel Winston, after Winston Churchill and the cigarette.
Habipti (puppy), Winston and I, deputized Interpol Agent Rhubarb, were dropped from a spy plane at an altitude of 200,000 feet. That height was non-detectable by Libyan radar and sonar. The two parachutes contained me, Habipti and Winston ten miles from Tripoli at an oasis. On cue, we were met by a dozen Bedouins, who were opposed to the non-leader. We feasted on dates, coconut milk, pita bread, yogurt, hummus and baba.
One of the Bedouins, Mohammad al-el Mohammad acted as an interpreter. He rode a one-hump camel.
MEETING KADDAFI AND HIS SONS
The security forces laughed when they saw me. I was dressed in my Lawrence of Arabia costume. They laughed when they found out puppy’s Arabic name.
They couldn’t stop guffawing when they learned of my mission to arrest the Libyan non-leader and his three sons.
I displayed the Chinese cuffs. They also thought that was another joke.
Finally, we were admitted into Kaddafi’s mile-high and mile-wide tent.
I showed him the arrest document issued by the International Court of Justice in the Hague. His sons were shown the document and my credentials from Interpol. They too thought it was a joke.
I showed them the Chinese cuffs. They had never seen the likes of it before. Curious, they tried it on. The more they struggled to remove the shackles, the tighter it became.
I told the non-leader to read the fine print at the bottom of the arrest document.
It informed them that if I failed to contact Interpol by a certain hour all hell would break loose.
All hell was spelled out in the video.
The video was played. The Israeli Prime Minister, Benny Betenyahoo was the chief player. It warned the non-leader that 1) a no-fly zone would be set into motion ASAP if the war crimes criminals failed to report at the Benghazi airport at a specified time; 2) Israeli intelligence knows the exact location of the Libyan airports and heliports. Smart missiles would be launched to demolish them; 3) Israel would be helping Arabs instead of attacking them. Only the non-leader’s hallucinogenic drug addicts would be destroyed in the missile attacks; 4) the non-leaders favorite tent would be flown to the Hague.
PM Benny Betanyahoo reminded the Kolonel that Israeli intelligence was the best in the world. They succeeded in releasing Israeli hostages in the Uganda airport several years ago; Israeli intelligence found Eichmann; Israeli intelligence played a vital role in the 1967 Six-Day war.
Israeli PM Benny Betanyahoo concluded with this video statement: Shalom, Everybody loves Kaddafi, including the International Court of Justice.
Rabbi Moses, wearing a yarmulke, appeared on the video. Rabbi Moses said, Everybody loves Kaddafi. He gave his blessing in Hebrew and Arabic.
Six camels rode from Tripoli, heading for the desert oasis ten miles away.
The banner on the fuselage of the Air France plane screamed: Everybody loves Kaddafi.
Kaddafi swelled with pride. He said, You see, everybody loves me.
Bangkokwriter's Blog 